I find myself sitting in my kitchen ugly crying. Not that there’s any real good reason, or any real bad reason, for sitting in my kitchen and crying and ugly cry, but if I expressed that I have ugly cried and people feel they’ve got the right to judge me or convince me that my ugly crying is either right, or wrong. I’m not a woman who typically has emotional highs, or lows, but in the middle of a planting season, and a pandemic, I find myself along with my kids, and a broken elbow.
The tribe that helps me raise my kids, and express myself as an adult, are all in their own homes, around the country or up the street. The ability to express ourselves, release some tension, and share some joy, have all been drastically changed during this pandemic. I wish I could say that while you were ugly crying in your kitchen you were alone and being the one to ugly cry. But chances are at the same time you’re crying, thousands of others are too.
It’s Okay To (Ugly) Cry
We try and tell ourselves that we should be grateful or more grateful for what we’ve got and that we need to just get over it, but that’s not giving it its due. When we feel sadness, we should express it. When we feel joy, we usually get to tell our friends share joy, but it’s not the same when it’s done via text, or FaceTime. When we say things like, “I’m tired of fixing (planning)meals”, people are often quick to remind us that we should just be grateful we have people to cook for. By expressing frustration or sadness, we aren’t denying our gratitude. We are simply feeling our feelings. It’s kind of like when you have a friend who’s lost a spouse, you feel you should never ever talk about your spouse or your frustrations about your spouse with them, it’s like comparing some struggle you’re going through with the struggle of someone else that’s at least 100 times greater than your own so you feel you can’t acknowledge your feelings because they shouldn’t be that deep or they aren’t deep enough.
That’s not true our feelings need felt, they need acknowledged, they need attention so that we can get through them work past them, and move on. It’s silly that I’m writing this on a Tuesday, and yet totally fitting, because during pandemic Mondays are hard but Tuesdays are worse. I look forward to when this is all over, then I can see my friends and hook my customers and my children can go explore and adventure with their friends. I write this today, because I want you to know even if you’re ugly crying in your kitchen alone you’re not alone. I’m here for you, I’m cheering for you, and I can’t wait to hug you in real life.